Winning The War Between Fear And Confidence

In leadership and business, there’s a war.

The real war is between fear and confidence. 

There’s a lot of wars going on, whether it’s home or overseas or different borders or different drug wars or all kinds of different stuff goes on, right? 

I was actually honored to serve in the United States Army and fought in the first Gulf War. 

I think about all the conflict in the world and division within societies and different things happening, and as home service professionals, as leaders in service businesses, I think it’s super important that we’re mindful of what’s real to us.

What are the actual wars going on? 

What are the “wars” that I can participate in? 

And so, I want to get some clarity and talk about the war you need to fight and win between fear and confidence. 

Today, let’s change our leadership. 

Where Do You Lead From?

There were plenty of people that helped fight the Gulf War. 

But they weren’t boots on the ground like I was in the actual activity. 

When you think about your own business, when you think about your industry when you think about your market, when you think about your competition, and all these different types of things, think about your war and where you are.  

We want to win the war. 

The war is the 12-month income statement. 

The battle is each month within that. 

And then we have different divisions of the battles. 

It doesn’t matter how we can always slice it: 

What does this mean to me? 

I believe that fear and confidence are kind of always at war in our minds, in the minds of our leaders, in the minds of collective societies as a whole. 

And as a business leader, I just wanted to encourage you today to take a step back and see what does this means to us as leaders?

How am I showing up for my team? 

Fear Is A Part Of Life, And It Could Stop You From Succeeding

You’ve probably heard me talk about fear before. 

I’m a big proponent of handling fear addressing and not pretending like it doesn’t exist, not honoring it, and understanding what we can learn from it. 

But the reality is I spent a lot of my time in my life engaging in fear-based thinking. 

I’ve had a lot of clients that are very invested in fear-based thinking and fear-based programming from parents, peers, previous experiences, and all the different beliefs that we’ve had. 

A lot of folks think: if I lose my fear, I’ll lose my edge. 

I won’t be as hungry or be as driven. 

I won’t become a market leader. 

Or I won’t remain a market leader. 

See what I did there. 

You might be afraid you won’t become a market leader. 

If you’re already a market leader, you might be afraid that you will remain to be a market leader.

Hang on, wait a minute. So you’re saying the people on top are afraid, and the people trying to get to the top are afraid.

Exactly! And this is all fascinating human psychology to me. 

I want you to take and use it for what it’s worth. 

But the reality is everybody is scared. 

It’s OK. 

Fear Can Serve You Or You Can Serve It

But how is fear really serving you? 

And we see it in the trades with the different acquisitions and Wall Street meeting Main Street and all.

You see, Wall Street’s afraid of certain things, and Main Street’s afraid of certain things. 

And everybody’s afraid of what the next move is going to be. 

Who’s going to do what? 

Are we going to be able to get supplies? 

Are we going to be able to get financing? 

What’s going to happen with marketing, and how’s technology going to impact that?

Is everybody going to go to work for Amazon or Google home services? 

What about you? 

What about your team? 

Fear is driven by the past and the future. 

There’s nothing to be afraid of right now. 

There’s nothing to be afraid of today. 

Kenny, you’re going into the ostrich approach. That’s your head in the sand kind of a thing. 

You can think about what you want. 

But what I know is that you’re afraid because you’re thinking based on an understanding of what happened yesterday, or you’re thinking about the perpetuation of what may or may not happen tomorrow, next month, next year, next quarter, and so on and so forth. 

When we take a step back and kind of honor our truth and realize everybody’s kind of running around scared, ask ourselves:

Is that who I want to be? 

Ask yourself that question. 

Do I want to be scared in this human experience? 

I would say no, but I’ll admit I still did and still do sometimes. R

It’s OK. 

As you elevate your awareness, you start to wonder: Do I want to live life afraid of everything, or do I want to develop new levels, new areas of confidence? 

Confidence Is The Real Deal

We know confidence is a really powerful thing. 

Confidence is also a by-product of the experience. 

What else do we know? 

Confidence creates calm. 

It’s important to be vulnerable; it’s important to show your true colors and show the world and your team that you’re real. 

And you know what? It’s OK to be scared. 

As long as you understand what it is you’re afraid of, what it means to you, and what you’re doing to move forward.

I’m not trying to eliminate or minimize any emotions or anything that you might be dealing with. 

I’m asking you to look at what it is and where you’re using certain things to minimize fear or to put a bandaid on fear if you will.

Confidence is the right way to go. It’s how we deal with and move past it. 

If confidence creates calm, what do I want my culture to be? 

How do I want my other leaders in my organization to feel? 

How do I want my frontline team to feel, show up, and respond? 

They are getting fear perpetuated to them nonstop through traditional media, through the news, through social media, through peer groups, and through filters of information that you get all of these different things. 

It’s a full-on assault of their attention. 

And it largely resides around fear. 

Confidence Creates Calm

My confidence really does create calm and, and it doesn’t mean I have it all figured out. 

It doesn’t mean I know what’s going to happen. 

I have no idea. 

We might have pandemics for the rest of our lives. 

Geez, I hope not.

We might have to get in bubbles and ride around in bubbles. 

I never thought we’d wear masks every day. 

All I really know is: I don’t know. 

What I do know very clearly is what I can control. 

I want you to remember the power of emotional regulation.

There’s a confidence that comes from emotional regulation and when you don’t fly off the handle. 

I used to throw things at my TV set. 

When the San Diego Chargers would be losing a game (and I know they’ve moved, but they’re still my San Diego Chargers now), I’d get so mad. 

I had no control over it at all. Why’d I get so mad?

Now I laugh at myself and my lack of emotional regulation in the past.

It doesn’t mean I don’t care. It doesn’t mean I’m not invested. 

But now it’s just great entertainment, and I love it. 

I enjoy it. 

But the fact is, it doesn’t beg too much emotional regulation. 

You Create Your Own Fear

All this speaks to the point I’m trying to make. 

Where else are you creating anger and fear that doesn’t need to be there?

Where could you inject confidence and calm into your life and business?

I’m not minimizing anything that’s going on. 

I’m not minimizing any challenges in the marketplace, but I’m challenging you for your own emotional regulation. 

If you see a headline and it says: Nobody wants to work. 

You’re going to buy that. 

If you go to a cocktail party and everybody says: Yeah, nobody wants to come into the trades… your emotional regulation needs to be ready. 

Otherwise, it’s like a gut punch. 

I have tremendous compassion for the universe, for the world, for humanity, for people living in it, and everybody’s doing the best they can. 

And I believe that with every cell in my soul, but what I also know is just because other people choose pain doesn’t mean that I have to. 

I don’t have to choose fear when I can choose confidence. 

The universe doesn’t care. 

It’s up to you. 

The universe doesn’t care if you’re rich or you’re poor, it doesn’t care if you’re fat or you’re thin, and it doesn’t care if you’re happy or you’re sad. 

The universe is here to partner with your subconscious mind to run the program effectively that you give it. 

If you give it a program of fear, then it’s going to run a very successful program of fear. 

If you give it a program of elevating your confidence, guess what?

It’s going to run a very effective program of elevating your confidence. 

Program Yourself For Confidence

So what do we do? 

I want you to think about three things here today. 

#1 Take action. 

Take massive action to have emotional regulation means that you’re doing stuff in the world rather than creating the story. 

Do great things. And if it doesn’t work, go back, reflect, tweak it, and do more! 

#2 Be mindful and recognize truthful feedback.

I want you to honor what that is. 

I’m not talking about kicking yourself all the time and talking about how terrible you are, and things are. 

My friends, I’m talking about the truthful feedback that pushes you to look at yourself and your purpose and your performance and see where you’re letting fear stop you or color your action. 

Look at where you need to inject some confidence or develop the skills that give you confidence. 

#3 Take More Action

I tricked you a bit here. There isn’t a third thing. 

It’s all part of this feedback loop. 

You take action; you fail, you learn, and you act again. 

Fear stops this loop, and then you’re dead. Your business is dead in the water, and your leadership is cut off at the knees. 

It’s this loop that breaks you out of the war between fear and confidence to finally let the confidence win. 

Confidence Is Simple, If You Choose It

It’s really simple. 

The fact is contracting is simple. 

Leadership is simple. 

Communication is simple. 

Everything in life is really simple. 

It just might not always be easy. 

My friend, the real war is fear and confidence. 

Where do you want to show up? 

Whose side do you want to be on? 

It’s OK. 

Honor your truth. 

Don’t beat yourself up, but elevate that confidence. 

Keep going. 

Keep pushing. 

Now go and make it a better than fantastic day!