I wouldn’t call myself an angry person, but I think we all feel anger when it comes to work, at times.
Most often, I’m mad at myself or things out of my control, but there are times I get mad at my team.
I’m sure you’ve felt it too.
This is why today I‘ve decided to write about how to release anger in work and life.
Releasing anger isn’t about forgetting or ignoring the challenges in life. It’s about learning from the situation and letting it go. I recommend writing two letters you’ll never send: a F(orget) you letter and a Gratitude letter.
Let’s dig into the details and take our lives back from the weight of anger.
Have You Felt The Anger?
Sometimes it feels like your head is ready to pop off of your neck.
People are so annoying sometimes.
Why can’t they just do the right thing?
Why can’t they just do what I ask them to do?
And why is it so hard to execute at the highest level?
I’ve built the system.
I’ve built the strategy and cast the vision.
What is their problem?
Surely, I’m not alone.
My friends, shake your head with me as you’re reading this.
It can be very frustrating.
I spent many years of my career being mad at the world and frustrated with what was going on.
I felt like I was surrounded by idiots sometimes.
And I love people, and I love humanity.
But here’s the thing:
It is okay to be angry.
My friend, what is not okay is to carry it around with you, to continue to bury it, and to continue to put it in your backpack of life.
I want you to picture this.
You’re walking along, and all of a sudden, there’s a rock in the path and you bend over and you pick up that rock.
And that rock is a life experience.
That rock represents an emotional challenge or emotional pain.
That rock represents something that really frustrates you or flat-out challenges you.
It makes you angry.
And you pick up that rock, and then you literally put it in your backpack.
You put it in the pack you’re carrying around in life, and you feel some weight.
What happens is, as we continue to do these things time and time again, day after day, week after week, month after month, we get weighed down.
Everything becomes even harder.
We are in the middle of a human experience and dealing with people.
We are dealing with team members as leaders or family members as influencers.
You are a leader in the world.
What does that mean?
You have communication with other people.
If you have communication with other people, you’re going to get frustrated.
But when we put the rock in the backpack, if you will, we create emotional baggage.
And when we create emotional baggage, it begins to go with us everywhere we go.
Deal With The Rock
I might’ve picked up a rock at the office today, but if I don’t deal with it and take it back out of the pack, I’m going to carry it home with me.
I’m going to carry it into my personal relationships with me.
It’s coming into my financial reality with me.
I’m going to carry it to all life experience.
Even though it came from one area of my life, it’ll now be a part of my entire life.
This is about freeing you up leadership.
Quick Strategy For How To Release Anger In Work And Life
My friend, life is too short to walk around, frustrated.
So today, I want to give you a quick strategy for releasing anger.
I’m not talking about minimizing anything.
I’m not talking about letting other people off the hook, if they’ve wronged you.
People do things that hurt others all the time or do things that create an environment for us to feel hurt, right?
I’m not minimizing any of that, but I care about you.
My friend, I care about you as a leader.
I care about you as a person, and I care about your emotional regulation.
Kenny, I’m frustrated, and I’m angry. I’ve been wronged by somebody.
I get you, my friends.
Speakin of feeling wronged by a team member, check out these team member retention strategies.
My Recent Anger Experience
Let me share with you something that happened to me over the course of the last year.
Somebody that I really respected didn’t deliver on something that I thought was a very personal thing for me.
It was a very emotional thing for me.
As a matter of fact, I feel as though they used my pain and my challenge in some of my trauma as a personal gain for themselves.
I’ve felt so wronged by that.
I felt abandoned, exposed, frustrated, angry, flat-out mad, and vindictive.
That’s right, Kenny Chapman, your coach talking about these types of feelings, felt all this.
One hundred percent, I felt them.
And then I had the opportunity to go through an experience that I want you to consider.
I want you to think about how you get the emotion out of you.
Being Aware Of Our Subconscious Mind
Our subconscious mind plays tricks on us.
It challenges us.
Here’s what I want you to think about.
You don’t even realize how destructive this is to you.
There are all these studies coming out about emotional health and about how it impacts your relationships, your finances, all the diseases that we’re seeing in the developed world over stress because we were never taught how to deal with it.
This one in the Journal of Educational Administration shows a direct connection between emotional health and physical health.
We were taught to chase our dreams, but the chase is going to be stressful.
Whether it’s the house, income, job, or whatever, we are taught that life is stressful for those who want to succeed.
There’s nothing wrong with becoming the person that you want to become to drive profitability, to live in a place of gratitude while you expand and create greatness in the world.
There’s nothing wrong with being rich.
We’re here to create our greatness.
We’re here to step into our greatness and enjoy the rewards of our labor.
If you’re creating value, you’re going to make a lot of money.
Sorry. That’s just the way it is.
If you’re not okay with that, guess what? You’ll find ways to destroy it.
You’ll find ways to blame and destroy and create destructive behaviors and ways to get rid of it.
There’s no question about that.
However, today, I want you to think about what you are carrying around that you want to put down.
Because this will rip your success away from you, my friends.
You know, I talk about clarity a lot. Check out this post on the importance of delegation clarity.
If you’ve got somebody that’s really frustrated you, if you’ve got something that’s happened to you, here’s what I want you to do.
I want you to write a letter to them now.
Wow, Kenny, I’m not ready to have that conversation.
Don’t worry. You’re not going to send it.
You don’t need to send this letter.
This letter is for you.
This letter is for you to get this out of your conscious mind, into your subconscious.
It’s about getting the rock of anger out of your backpack.
You’re not forgetting it; you’re learning from it and letting it go.
The F(orget) You Letter
First, we call it the screw-you letter, the F you letter.
Let’s say it stands for “Forget You.”
You’re saying to the anger:
Screw you. I count.
You’re saying to the person:
How could you do that to me? How could you operate like that? You are so wrong here. I cannot believe anything and everything.
You write it; you get it all out.
This is tough, friends.
I’ll admit it:
I cried. I was frustrated.
And I was so mad.
The Gratitude Letter
Write that letter.
Sometimes that’s enough, and you got it out, and you’re free.
But in my situation, this person’s done a lot in my life.
Some of it’s positive and allowed me to grow as an individual and for me to see certain things in myself.
So I didn’t want to just leave it at the frustration and anger getting out of me.
I also wanted to come back with a state of gratitude.
So I wrote a second letter a week later, and it was the thank you letter.
It was the gratitude letter.
It was the letter that was like:
Man, I’m so grateful that we have our lives crossed paths.
We may not continue to be in each other’s lives, but I’m super grateful that it happened.
You gave me a mirror and created this environment for me to grow.
That was the most recent one I’ve done.
I’ve written multiple letters to my father over the course of my adult life.
He’s been dead for 29 years at the time I’m writing this.
The reality is he’s never obviously going to read it,
But it’s not about him.
It’s about me.
It’s not about whoever wronged you.
You know it’s about you, right?
The way that people show up in the world is simply a reflection of where they’re at and what they’re dealing with.
You don’t know their baggage, and it’s okay.
Your job is not to know their baggage.
Your job is to look at yours.
You need to be able to dive into that backpack and get the rock out.
Now you know how to release anger in your work and life.
Two things for free, friends:
- Write the f(orget) you letter
- Write the gratitude letter
Just start with this.
Write the letter that just gets it out of you, and don’t ever send it.
You don’t ever have to show it to anybody.
Maybe you want to send it, and that’s fine, but you don’t have to.
Remember, this isn’t about the other people or situations; it’s about you and making your life lighter.
You will be amazed by my friend at how much better you feel, how stronger you are, and all of the amazing things that come from this.
I want you to honor that.
Until next time, make it a better-than-fantastic day!
If you’re ready for change, check out my 3-part change formula.